How to Be There When a Friend Is Pregnant

No matter what choices you make for yourself, when your friend tells you she is pregnant, it can come as a surprise. When you’re teenagers, the surprise can be even bigger.

Of course, when your friend is pregnant she’s going to be afraid, angry, overwhelmed and is going to have to make big decisions; you’re going to want to be there to offer support.

Your friend needs to know you’re there for her - whether she needs to call someone in the evening of sends you a text message in the middle of the night or just asks you to sit down and talk, try to be there as much as possible.

Listen to what your friend is telling you. You might not be able to relate to what she is saying or going through, but sometimes being listened to and really heard can have a dramatic impact.

Part of hearing what your friend has to say involves not being judgmental. Even if you don’t understand how she “let herself” get pregnant, or if she’s thinking about having an abortion and you have objections to terminating a pregnancy, keep in mind that supporting her means validating her feelings - not implying that those feelings are somehow wrong.

Make an effort to reach out to your friend, but be careful not to push. Calling to say hi and being ready for a more detailed conversation is one thing, pressing your friend to talk when she doesn’t feel up to it is another.

If during the course of a conversation your friend asks for advice, be willing to offer some suggestions, but keep in mind that she may not take them. As a friend, you can help to resolve a situation, but you cannot force your friend to take a specific action any more than she could force you.

Your friend is going to need time to decide how she will respond to her pregnancy and is going to need your support for a number of things - including telling her parents. If you’re unsure of what you can do, the best option is to ask your friend what would help her the most.