Moving Beyond Your Child Telling You She’s Pregnant

For parents, there are a long line of hopes and dreams when they have a child - and one of those dreams often includes having grandchildren someday. The challenge for parents with a pregnant teen is that the someday comes about far sooner, and there are more emotions than just joy.

When your teen is pregnant, it’s normal to feel shocked by the news. It’s also normal to feel some disappointment and to panic - because suddenly there are new issues that need to be addressed.

Even though you may feel guilty and blame yourself for not protecting your child more, even though you may be afraid of how your friends, other family members, neighbors and acquaintances might react, it’s important to understand that your pregnant teen needs your support.

You can be there for your pregnant teen by working through your emotions on your own. You can be there by talking with your teen to understand what her feelings are, to discuss her options and help her understand what having and raising a child takes, what it might be like to put a child up for adoption and to express your feelings about abortion - even if she believes that abortion is the best option and it’s not something that you agree with. If your daughter does plan to have the baby - whether to raise herself or to be adopted by someone else - you are also going to want to focus on making her pregnancy a healthy one.

Unfortunately for parents of a pregnant teen, there’s a need to recognize that their children are suddenly going to have to make adult decisions. You are going to need to be there to support your pregnant teen in the choices that she makes and to help her find solutions and make the best possible decisions.

Keep in mind that most teens don’t plan on getting pregnant. Just as you’re feeling shock, shame, grief, fear and other emotions, your teen will have a lot of overwhelming emotions. The best support that you can give is to listen to your daughter’s concerns and fears, make sure she has the medical care she needs and let her know you will be there for her.