Having Someone Else Raise Your Child

Pregnant teens often find themselves not wanting an abortion but not wanting to raise the child on their own. The option that’s left is adoption.

Once you’ve chosen to put your baby up for adoption, you should talk with your parents. You are still making the choice to carry the baby to term and are going to need their support during that time. Not only will you want your parents to go with you to doctor appointments, but you’re going to want their support when you meet with attorneys and those families who want to adopt (you’ll also want them to be there when you just need to talk).

After all, the process of adoption isn’t just a matter of signing on the dotted line. There are questions you have, answers you need and emotions to process both during your pregnancy and after the birth.

Many teens who look into adoption want to know whether the adoptive parent or parents will take care of the baby. They worry that at some point, when their child is older, their child won’t understand and will hate them - or at the very least wonder why he or she was placed for adoption.

Still, if you’re pregnant and know you don’t want an abortion and aren’t ready to be a parent, while it’s a difficult choice, adoption is the best choice. With adoption, you give birth to the baby, but, after you give up your parental rights, allow others to become the child’s parents.

There are two types of adoption:

  • With a confidential adoption, you will never meet the adoptive parents. They will learn about your and the father’s medical history so they’ll be able to give your baby care and provide that info to the child’s pediatrician, but that’s it.
  • There’s also open adoption.

In an open adoption, you are going to have more options. In some cases, you’ll be able to read about the couples who want to adopt - without learning their names - so that you can decide which is best to raise your baby. In some cases, you’ll even exchange first names with the adoptive families and talk on the phone so that you can get a sense of who they are. Or you may meet the possible adoptive families with a social worker or a lawyer present. In the most open adoptions, you will be able to know the adoptive parents, you’ll trade contact information and from time to time you’ll be able to stay in touch with them and the child.

The more you want to be involved with your baby, the more you should work with an adoption agency that is more open. The more you want to allow the agency to decide who the best parents would be, the more likely you’ll be to choose a confidential adoption.

Once you know what type of adoption you’re interested in, you should look at adoption agencies. Different adoption agencies approach things in different ways. Some work with couples of a specific race or religion. Some agencies are non-profit and others earn an income from their services. Some will help with counseling you during and after the pregnancy so that you can process your emotions, others will also include your family and the baby’s father in these sessions. If you are looking for help with legal and medical costs, you’ll want to choose an agency that provides it.

On the other hand, if you live in an area where private adoptions are legal, instead of choosing an agency, you can work with a lawyer. This is great option if you or your parents know a couple who have been trying to have a baby or who want to adopt without waiting for an agency. It’s also possible to talk with your doctor, to find couples looking to adopt in personal ads or through adoptive parent support networks where couples who have adopted may be looking to adopt again or know others looking to adopt.

As the birth mother, you’ll want to research your rights (they’re different from state to state) - specifically your right to change your mind; you should also understand the rights of the adoptive parents.

Everyone who chooses adoption faces various emotions - anxiety and fear, depression, anger, doubt. When you choose to have another family raise your child, be sure that you’re getting the emotional support you need, both during and after the pregnancy.